The Nigerian Politician as a Kaleidoscope

Forgiveness of our political class is a very common attribute in Nigeria. No matter all the “eff ups” a politician may have wrought, he always knows that with the right amount of “washie”, he can have his way among the citizenry.
For example, after heading one of the most horrible regimes in Benue, George Akume can stand on the podium and shout that PDP(a party that mae him governor twice an”Sinator” once)  is evil, to the cheers of the crowd. It is the same thing that will give Chief John Kenneth Evboyomwan Odigie-Oyegun( or, Oyegumewndia- as he scammed us to believe was  his name when he ran for elections in 1992). Trhe balls to criticise/condemn any government. I remember his famous by-line, “this my grey hair, na sign of experience”. Just pretend to identify with the “masses”(even when you are not Adviser Nowamagbe, the Masses Chairman) and your previous sins will become “tabula rasa”.
For example, Dino “Stonecold 3:16” Melaye came into national limelight during the incidence of “filaga filogo”(Patrick Obahiagbon,1923) that took place during the regime of “The Meji Bank Ole”. I remember seeing him on national TV with torn clothes as if he was doing Rag Day (God save am say e wear beta singlet that day). More embarrassingly, some children came to the National Assembly that day on excursion (probably to learn how legis-looters, ooops, my bad, legislators worked). I am sure their teacher had a helluva time trying to convince his students “legisla-thief” functions of the lawbreakers, oops, lawmakers (this kunun aya is really having an effect on my typing). Nigerians vilified him. That time, we had not been stratified into APC/GMB/North/Islam vs PDP/GEJ/South/Christianity. We were Nigerians, simpliciter. I vividly remember the picture of bros being bundled out of the House, with torn clothes by the men of the Sergeant –at-Arms, while Bankole smiled “akuyally”. After then, the people of Okun/Kabba decide to ask Ogbeni Dinosaur to “take a boy” and go and manage his temper. Then the fuel subsidy “franchise” afforded an opportunity for him to launch himself into mainstream. Ogbeni Dinosaur was daily seen at the converging point of the protesters. Soon, he was the “face” of the protest. He quickly sold the dummy of anti-kwarraption” and a lot of customers bought the spun yarn.
With anti, abi na uncle, corruption being  the USP of the current ruling party during campaign, Bro. Dinosaur “shapperly” keyed into it, even leading an aluta against Stella Oduah. Suddenly, we forgot he had had his clothes torn to shreds in the National Arse-embly, we forgot  he turned his wife into a punching bag, in a manner even Manny Pacquaio would envy. He was the man.
He became a friend to all lovers of APC and an enemy to the PDP supporters..
He got into power on the basis of “SAK” and anti-corruption (it did not matter that he was flaunting cars that his legit salaries could not afford).
The APC goons hailed him as the best thing to have happened to Nigeria since Mr Biggs began operation, while the PP goons made it sound like he was the devil’s elder brother.
Then, when the Saraki coup occurred, he pushed his chest in front like an “Ugiagbe” hoping to be compensate with a “juicy”(Ohaneze Nd’igbo,2015).
Then seeing the battery of his popularity getting low, he launched an attack against a company (sic) known as Remita(which company belongs to Remita Tinubu Ahmed). Like a kaleidoscope, he suddenly became the darling of the PDP and an enemy of the APC (his own party). I still await his next stunt sha.
The other is Femi “Funny-Kayode”, the Cambridge trained (???)lawyer. In the height of the furore generated by the deportation of Ibos from Lagos, Ogbeni Kayode took the Igbos to the cleaners, even boasting of his “Penisculum vitae”(Monday Oronsaye, 1832) that he had been eating the “ukwa” of umunwanyi igbo. He Suddenly, we forgot he had had his clothes torn to shreds in the National Arse-embly, we forgot  he turned his wife into a punching bag, in a manner even Manny Pacquaio would envy. even had the audacity to mention Ambassador Bianca as one of the “ukwas” visited The Ibos went livid and passéd a fatwa on him. Like say im go Ngwa side, dem for use am arrange barbecue (I wonder who go fit eat FFK sha).
Suddenly, the Biafra brouhaha came up. FFK would insulted the shit out of Ibos is now their voltron.  Suddenly, suddenly (D’Banj, 2005), I see my Igbo “friends” shearing”(Mama Peace, 2014) tweet an updates from FFK.
I dey enjoy the drama sha…


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